If you’re considering having anal sex for the first time you might feel a bit intimidated and nervous. You may also be wondering how to do anal – how to prepare, how to relax and how to make is a fun and pleasurable experience for both you and your partner.
You’re not alone! Anal sex is becoming more and more common amongst Americans.
A 2009 study conducted by Debby Herbenick, the co-director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion and a sexual health educator at the Kinsey Institute, found 40-45% of women and men in some age groups had tried anal sex. This is up from one-third of young women and men in the 1990s.
It is also normal to feel nervous and usure of how to do anal in a way that is both safe and fun.
Anal Sex: Your Guide for a Fun and Safe Experience
This guide provides you with need to know information and anal sex safety tips so you and your partner have a successful and fun experience with your partner.
First things, first.
Given that anal penetration has such a bad reputation for being painful, many people may wonder, “Why try anal at all?” However, anal penetration doesn’t have to be painful! Later in this article, I will discuss the many things that you can do to prevent pain during anal penetration.
Anal sex can and should be pleasurable. In fact, there is an erogenous zone called the A-spot that can increase stimulation during anal sex.
The A-spot is a small patch of sensitive tissue right at the inner ends of the vaginal tube between the cervix and the bladder. Due to it’s location, it can be stimulated during anal penetration and play.
How do you find it? According to Alicia Sinclair, clinical sexologist and founder of B-Vibe, to find the A-spot, curve your fingers into a hook and reach into the vagina about an inch or inch and a half. If you are pointing up towards the belly button, you’ll find a patch of tissue that feels a bit spongy, that is the G-spot.
There is an erogenous zone called the A-spot that can increase stimulation during anal sex.
If you go back about an inch or two (each body is different) and find what feels like little digits, that is the A-spot. Given how different each body is, some may experience orgasm by stimulating the A-spot where others may only feel sensation and sensitivity.
Play with it and see what happens for you!
5 Things You Need to Know About Anal Sex:
1. Go To the Bathroom Right After You’re Done (Female Bodies)
You’ve likely heard that going pee after vaginal intercourse is a must to prevent UTIs (urinary tract infections). Well, it is just as important to go to the bathroom after anal. During anal sex, organisms that live near the anus are displaced and can end up near the vagina and urethra. This displacement increases the risk of vaginal infections and UTIs.
2. Your Butt Might Queef Afterwards
Despite what it might sound like when you queef, a queef is not a fart. Queefing is simply the release of air that has been trapped in your vagina or rectum. When a penis, fingers or a sex toy enters your vagina or rectum, air is brought in. There isn’t much you can do to avoid it. Relax and try not to feel embarrassed. Queefing is completely natural!
3. Female Bodies Have a Higher Risk of STIs
Research has shown that female bodies have an increased risk of STIs with anal sex compared to vaginal sex. This is especially true if hygiene is lacking. There is no need to avoid anal sex though! Instead, make sure to keep everything clean and sanitized, have safe sex, and protect yourself and your partner.
4. Be Cautious If You Have Hemorrhoids
Hemorrhoids are a pillow-like cluster of veins found near your booty hole. They are painful and can spoil the fun when it comes to anal. They can become quite exacerbated and result in rectal bleeding.
A little bit of blood is normal with anal, so don’t freak out if you experience a little blood. However, if you know you have hemorrhoids and really want to try anal, talk with your doctor to find a solution.
5. Establish Boundaries and A Safe Word
It is important to establish boundaries and a safe word before your clothes come off. Is there something you absolutely do not want to do during sex? Make sure your partner knows what those things are before you get started.
Likewise, once things get going, it is equally important you pay attention to how you’re feeling and communicate to your partner. If something is painful or uncomfortable, let them know. This is where a safe word or set of safe words can be very useful.
It can be difficult to speak clearly during sex. Safe words are an easy and quick way to say stop, slow down or I really like that.
A series of safe words might include:
- A word that says everything needs to stop now
- A word that says, “Slow down” or “Less intensity”
- A word that says, “Yes! I love it”
- A word that indicates, “Stay in connection and talk to me”
It is important to note the word, or words, you use as a safe word should not be words that could easily come up during sex. For example, a good safe word could be “orange” or “book”. Whereas the words “hot”, “more”, and “yes” all could easily come up during sex.
10 Tips for Fun and Safe Anal Sex:
1. Get to Know Your Body First
Before you experiment with anal with someone, get to know your body, specifically, your booty, first. If you don’t know what feels good and what doesn’t, you can’t properly communicate to your partner. You can massage the outside of your anus, slip the tip of a finger into your butt, or even try inserting a small butt plug or vibrator.
For many people, experimenting with their body is easier when alone. Going it alone gives you time and space to experiment with your own body and learn what you like without having to worry about keeping your partner engaged.
2. Relax Your Mind and Body
The best way to prevent pain during anal penetration is to relax your mind and body. The more nervous you are the more your body will tense. The more tense your body is the higher the risk of pain during anal penetration.
Before you experiment with anal sex with someone, get to know your body, specifically, your booty, first.
Prepare your mind and body ahead of time by doing things that help you relax. You could take a bath, meditate, do yoga, ask your partner for a massage or anything else that helps you wind down. Also, once you’re ready to go, it can be really helpful to imagine the muscles around your anal sphincter relaxing.
Your breath is your best friend when it comes to anal sex. Conscious breathing will help to relax your body, especially in the first few moments of penetration.
The pressure of penetration often causes people to hold their breath. This tends to result in your muscles tightening which leads to pain. Take long deep and even breaths and focus on relaxing your body.
Maintaining mind/body connection through your breath will also help you to stay more present with pleasurable feelings too!
4. Take it Slow, Use Toys
When trying anal sex for the first time it is important to take it slow. Skipping past foreplay when it comes to anal for the first time can lead to pain, discomfort and injury, which isn’t sexy.
Start by testing out the waters during foreplay. You might allow your partner to gently rub around the opening with their finger or a sex toy, before actually inserting anything.
Next, you and your partner could try inserting a small butt plug or dildo. A small vibrator can be fun as well. Regardless of what you use for penetration, start slowly and only the tip at first. Check in with your partner and if things are going well, slowly penetrate more deeply.
5. Try a Vibrator
Vibrators are fun and versatile sex toys. They can even be great for anal sex! During foreplay, you can insert a small vibrator. The vibrations from the toy can be quite helpful in relaxing the muscles around the anal sphincter.
6. Don’t Forget Vaginal Stimulation (Female Specific)
There are a lot of shared nerve endings between the walls of the vagina and the anus. Thus, stimulating the vagina during anal sex can be extremely pleasurable. If it feels ok, you can insert something into the vagina while you’re engaging in anal play or anal penetration.
7. Lube Is a Must
You can’t use too much lube when it comes to safe and enjoyable anal sex. The anus does not produce its own lubricant like the vagina does. Due to this, you risk tearing the skin around the opening. You can’t use too much lube. The more lubrication there is, the easier and more pleasurable penetration will be.
Warming lube can help heighten your pleasure and, potentially, make anal sex more comfortable. The heat created from the warming lube helps to bring blood flow to the area which could increase stimulation and to the receptors in the rectum and anus.
Both water and silicone-based lubricants are good for anal sex. However, silicone-based lubricants tend to last longer which means you’ll need less of it. However, keep in mind all silicone lubricants aren’t safe for sex toys. Pay attention to what the label on your lube says.
8. Don’t Cross Pollinate
Regardless if it is a finger, a sex toy or a penis, make sure you never go from butt to vagina. It can easily cause a UTI.
If you want to switch from anal to vaginal penetration or stimulation, hop in the shower together and keep the action going there. Or you could keep a tub of baby wipes next to the bed to easily sanitize in between.
9. Try Different Positions
As you begin to get more comfortable with anal sex, it can be fun to try different positions. In fact, you may find other positions are more comfortable. Each body is different and each body will find a different position more pleasurable for anal penetration.
Laying on your back while getting penetrated can be easier on the rest of your body. Some find anal feels a bit overwhelming physically and this position doesn’t require any energy to support the body.
Spooning is also great for those new to anal sex. The position gives shared control of your movements and allows for extra sense of touch and intimacy. Doggy-style can be less friendly for beginners. It gives the person penetrating easier access but also gives them full control which could feel intimidating for your first time.
10. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
It is so important to communicate with your partner when you’re first trying anal. Anal play and anal penetration will be full of new sensations – some will be amazing, and some will feel weird.
By staying in constant communication with your partner, you give them a better chance of helping to make your experience better. Don’t forget to use your safe word/s!
Don’t Stress! Plan Ahead and Enjoy Safe Anal Sex
There is no right or wrong answer to the question, “Should I try anal sex?” It really depends upon you and your partner’s needs and desires. For some the answer may be never and that is ok! However, if you decide to give it a try, it isn’t difficult to plan ahead and make your first experience a successful one.
Remember, it is normal to be nervous. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t tools to help you work through the nervousness. Take the time to relax your mind and body, communicate with your partner, go slowly and use lubricant.
In using these anal sex safety tips, you and your partner are sure to have a pleasurable experience!